Currency

I don’t really have a lot to say.

Mostly I just had a not great day and a lot of it revolved around my brain not being very kind to me. I have these days sometimes, a lot of them recently, and while I’m working through that, it’s putting me in a sort of mood where I’m wanting to practice kindness to others more.

For a long time I was an optimist and still am at heart (I hope) but so much of the unpleasantness I’m dealing with in my head these days revolves around pessimism. Granted I’m working on some tough mental health things and it gets tougher by the day, but I still wish there wasn’t so much pessimism going on up there.

But maybe because I can be unkind to myself and I’m so hyperaware of it right now, I notice more when people are kind to me. Especially random strangers. When someone holds the door for me and says you’re welcome when I say thank you. When the UPS guy tells me he hopes I have a happy and tasty Thanksgiving. When someone I think is really cool but am shy around tells me they really like my necklace and not everyone could pull it off but I look fun in it. They’re little things but they’re filled with kindness and some days all I need is three seconds of kindness to remind me to breathe.

I can’t always be kind to myself right now, my brain has too many chemicals out of whack. But I can accept kindness from others. And I can give out kindness to others. And maybe that’s all they need that day. And maybe they’ll remember that I was kind to them and decide to be kind to someone else in return.

And then maybe we’ll all eventually learn to be kind to ourselves too because kindness has become our currency.

Anyways, those are the words I’m choosing to say today.